In the spirit of Love,, our all time obsession, this article is dedicated to those involved in romantic relationships.  A local radio station, had a weekly and Sunday night "Quiet Storm" program.  Brother DJ, prompted listeners to evaluate their romantic relationships, while playing romantically inspirational music.  One night during spring '96, the theme was "Ways to tell your significant other you love them, with out saying those three words."  As usual, he set up an answering machine and invited listeners to call in with their ideas.  The Brother had a good idea, but some of the responses were a bit graphic.   Let's work on that, family.

To his query, this reporter came up with the following:

Send flowers.

Send or give cards saying you thought of them.

Surprise them with a home made lunch.

Send a basket of their favorite snack foods to their job.

Put a love note in their lunch bag.

Surprise them after work and take them to a favorite place.

Tell friends and family you are leaving town, turn on the answering machine, turn off the phone, ignore the door bell, and spend the weekend at home - alone.

Make believe you have no lights, fill the home with lit candles, forget the TV exists, turn on "Quiet Storm" and spend quality time together.

Make sure you give, or get, a hug every day.

Treat them well.

Say "I love you", and say it often!

Have a pajama party for two.

Send the children to a trusted family member or friend for the weekend, and reaffirm your marriage or partnership vows.

All, or any combination of the above.

If you have additional ideas, do not send them, do it!  As Brother DJ used to say, "If you love them, treat them so."  How easy it is to care for someone and forget to show it.  We think: "They know I love them.", but do they really?

When we love someone, it is not hard to express.  It is as easy as breathing, or should be.  Love, real love, is something you can't deny, no matter how hard you try.  You may try to fight it, but sooner or later, you have that feeling - the tightness in your stomach - that says "I must be with them, or I must get away from them, I can't stand it anymore.  Oh GOD!  Why me?  Can't he/she see or feel how I feel about him/her?"

When you love someone, you are easily distracted.  Your mind wanders to them as soon as it has a free moment.  You want to be with them as much as possible, and you miss them when they aren't around.  If you have a disagreement, one or the other rushes to explain or apologize.

As feelings mature, both people explain themselves, they allow the other to see parts not seen by strangers.  You open, or bloom to each other.  Your words are soft utterings filled with tender words.  You use terms of affection when speaking to each other.  You both make up nicknames, and no one else better use them!  You know you love someone when their needs come before yours.  While physical attraction is a natural part of life, relationships should not be based on it, for a relationship based in lust may end in craziness and a broken heart!

When the heart is involved, we think of our mate's wants, needs, or desires, before ours.  Sometimes we keep our feelings to ourselves to keep from having that sinking feeling we are setting ourselves up to be hurt or used.  If you love someone, the hardest step is telling them so.  We become scared of being real because we are scared our feelings will be used or abused.  With age comes experience, and with experience, comes baggage that's hard to discard.  But we should discard the baggage, and open ourselves up to new experiences.

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways."  While this is a beautiful poem, we should not follow the author's example of counting, but learn to show them.  It's nice to do, and the more you show, the more they will be returned.  Black Women say Black Men are not romantic.  Black Men have a bad reputation with romance, but take him away from the gang for a weekend.  If he loves you he will be romantic.  It's his nature, he won't have a choice!

When you meet your true mate, silly things fall from you.  If they feel natural to be with, they are, for a reason.  A true mate is one who was made for you.  You feel comfortable with them, want to be with them, can sit in a room, read or study, go to school, or work together.  It's a blending, sharing, or joining of spirit.

To those Brothers and Sisters that have the real love thang going on, I salute you!  I know it's hard to maintain love in this world, for you must be able to dismiss the silliness of the outside world.

To those who are waiting to find their mates, I wish you love and luck.  May ALLAH/JAH/GOD send you the one HE made for you.  To those Brothers and Sisters who haven't found the mate ALLAH/JAH/GOD created for you, be patient and know there is someone for everyone!  The romantic in me says you will find them.  It may take time, but as the Elders say "Patience brings the best rewards."

Sometimes love is where you least expect it.  Look at that Brother or Sister who is positive, caring, gentle, kind, nice, and a good friend.  If she or he is there for you no matter what you have been through, a type of love is there.  But with that, you must be careful... The best way to ruin a friendship is to make something out of it that's not natural.  An unnatural romantic liaison is a mess waiting to happen.  If it does not come naturally to both of you, don't do it!  If it's natural, it will happen, don't push it.

Many say the Black community is "Romantically Challenged".  We may have problems, but the romantic in me says we can correct this.