What did Ms. Mary J. Blige mean when she wrote those words?  What is the meaning of happy?  Webster's II New Riverside University Dictionary defines the following;

Happy:    2. Enjoying, displaying or characterized by pleasure or joy.
Pleasure: 2. A source of enjoyment, gratification or delight.
Joy:        1. Great pleasure or happiness, DELIGHT
Delight:  2. Something that affords great pleasure or enjoyment.

Why are we unhappy?  Why do we spend inordinate amounts of time pursuing happiness, and are despondent when it is not available?  What is the everyday notion of happiness?  Is it a house on a hill, a bank account overflowing with money, a closet overflowing with clothes and shoes, a beautiful and loving mate, the party life, well behaved children, a good name or reputation, the serious nightlife, no stress, a job we enjoy and are well paid doing, or a combination of the above?

In an everyday life, we wake up at a time we are forced to, get dressed in clothes we rather not wear, fight traffic that's a bear, go to a job we don't like, spend eight hours with people we may dislike, put up with crap we have had enough of, again fight traffic, maybe go to a home that's not really a home, deal with a mate we have problems with, parent children who may have problems, are paranoid in neighborhoods rife with crime and drugs, eat food that's bad for us, drink liquor that will kill us to relieve stress, do drugs that will kill us, and fall asleep only to do it again the next day.  Are we supposed to be happy in that mess?  It can't be done, there's no use denying it, we cannot be happy in a mess.

The every day man or woman know they are not happy, but when asked to pinpoint  the reason for their unhappiness, they can't.  They are no more able to put a finger on the root cause of their unhappiness, than a newborn can tell you they need a hug.  If pressed, they will tell you of childhood, relationship, job or economic problems, but they are not root causes, they are additions to the problem.

The root causes of our unhappiness are lack of self knowledge, honesty, love, respect, and value.  When we take time for introspection, or evaluation, we achieve knowledge of self.  Most of us think we know ourselves.  We would like to believe we know ourselves better than anyone else knows us, but an outsider can view any situation better than one within the situation.  Think of a family member or friend who seems bent on self destruction. You may see it one way, but they probably do not see it the same way you do.  They  see themselves going about the daily business of living, where you may see them killing themselves.  Just as you are able to see their situation with a clearer eye, there are others who view you in a different way than you view yourself.  This should not be considered a problem, but a "reality checkpoint" for they may be able to assist you in your quest for self-knowledge.  We should take a long, honest look at ourselves and explore exactly who we are.

Who are we, you ask.  We are adult children of alcoholics, drug abusers, staunch members of the community, prostitutes, pimps, generations of hard workers, church going men and women, child abusers, great parents, wife abusers, wonderful family members, and the rest of the spectrum.   We have experienced racism, hatred, bigotry, evil, goodness, The Church, GOD, well meaning people, good and bad teachers, wonderful and horrible supervisors, etc.  We do not have one definition, we are the products of our community, be it good or bad.  We are the embodiment of our life's experiences, and it is our duty to evaluate them.  We must delve deeply into our conscious and sub-conscious minds and do serious question and answer sessions.  We must take time, be alone and evaluate daily events.  To do anything less is self- injustice, and we must be on guard against injustice of any type.

When we embark on the road to self knowledge, a key factor is self honesty.  No matter how introspective we are, without honesty, there is no gain.  Without honesty, we can tell ourselves any lie we wish, and feel perfectly content.  Why did we do so and so?  Because "they" did so and so.  That's a load of doodie, and must be eliminated.  We must be honest with ourselves and adult enough to deal with our actions and their consequences.  We can walk around with the "they did this to me, so I must do that to them" attitude, but it doesn't accomplish a thing.  The facts are we wanted to do it.  Why did we lie on that Sister or Brother?  Why did we sleep with that man or woman's wife or husband?  Why did we lie, cheat, steal, sell drugs, or abuse someone?  The honest answer to all of these questions, and many more, is because we wanted to!

We can lie to anyone we wish, but when we lie to ourselves, we act in a crazy manner, also known as self-delusional.  Never lie to yourself!  If you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with?  Self honesty is not easy, it means serious self questions and possibly some serious initial conflict, but the effects are well worth it.

The results of self honesty are amazing,  If we are honest with ourselves, we will be honest with others, and they will see and respect it, whether they like it or not.  Honesty can sometimes be harsh, it may cause you to say something someone does not appreciate, but as the Elders say "Truth crushed to earth, will rise again."

Once we understand, and are honest with ourselves, we gain self respect.  We learn to respect our thoughts and emotions.  While they may not always seem appropriate, we are better able to understand, evaluate, and validate them.  If we suffer a broken heart, we understand there is pain and loss, but our ability to honestly deal with those emotions make a difference in our reactions to them.  Yes, it hurts, but we understand our pain does not justify causing harm to those who caused it to us.  If someone says something hurtful, and we understand and are honest with ourselves, we will not retaliate, we may take it in the manner it was given, grieve for our hurt feelings, and carry on for we understand they meant to be hurtful.

If criticized, we ask ourselves, "Do they mean to be hurtful, or are they offering their honest opinion?", or "Is it possible I have done what they have said and was it intentional?"  This is where self honesty and understanding come into play.  If we did a hurtful or incorrect action intentionally, we should be honest and admit it.  If it was not intentional, we should explain ourselves, and offer reasons for our actions.  If the action was harmful to another and was not intentional, we should apologize and make amends.

(Editor's Note:  Never say the words "I'm sorry."  When we say those words, we admit to being a "sorry" person.  There is a vast difference in being sorry and apologizing for an unintentional hurt.  We must learn to choose our words carefully, for we are judged by them.)

When we respect ourselves, we respect others.  When we respect ourselves, hate, bigotry, evil deeds and words fall from us, because we understand we are better than that.  We treat others as we wish to be treated, for we understand what goes around, comes around.  We no longer sell drugs because we understand we are killing each other.  We longer "gang bang", for we understand we are killing another human being.  We no longer disrespect each other, because we understand he or she is a man or woman who deserves respect.  We are quicker to call each other Brother or Sister, and mean it from the heart.  With self-knowledge, honesty, understanding, and self respect comes self love and value.

Lack of self love and value keeps us in disharmony, shackled to self-delusions, self hatred, and a lack of  understanding of others.  But in order to achieve self love we must go through the steps mentioned above.  It is a difficult task, but we need self love.  We need it in our daily lives and within our community.  It is a lack of self love that enables us to hurt those we love, sell drugs, commit adultery, sell guns, lie, steal, harm another, divide ourselves from Black men or women, or the possible worse, commit suicide.

We are daily indulged with self hate messages.  If we aren't thin, rich, or pretty enough, or have a spouse willing to "climb the highest mountain, or swim the deepest sea", this society tells us we aren't worth the time of day.  We are daily told Black people have a low nature.  Nothing is further than the truth, and we must take our self respect into our own hands.  If we allow ourselves to believe this madness, we will never be happy.

In order to value ourselves, we must refuse belief systems that negate us.  How can we achieve self value, when we believe negative things?  If the mind is filled with negative thoughts, nothing comes from it but negativity.  We must redirect our thoughts, and understand we have equally good and bad attributes, but it is up to us to define ourselves and decide what we are to become.

Happiness comes from self knowledge, honesty, understanding, respect and love.  When we understand, respect, appreciate, and love ourselves, we realize we are special.  Each of us is unique, a combination of experiences and environment, and very much worthy of respect and love.  With this knowledge comes inner peace, and once we tap into it, we will not allow anyone to disrupt it.  Inner peace brings harmony with that which is outside of us.  We learn to appreciate all creatures, nature, and man, those we agree with or not.  Our motto becomes "Live and let live.", until someone brings disharmony into our lives.  When we are peaceful, we will not like disharmony, but our way of dealing with it is a marked difference from days gone by.  We avoid non peaceful people, we "kick them to the curb", or let them be.  We no longer allow them to affect us, for we know their problem.  They have not found inner peace, and they are tormented by their lack of self knowledge, understanding, respect, love and value.

Self-fulfillment comes from the knowledge we are able to achieve anything we set our minds to.  We no longer need others to define us, for we know our CREATOR and our determination is all we need in this world.  As we grow into our true selves, our sense of purpose becomes clear.  Blinders and shades are lifted, and we see clearer than we ever did.  If we choose to disregard what we find out about ourselves, we are not honest, and should do additional self inspection.

When we accept our roles and responsibilities, we gain freedom.  Not freedom of debt, but it becomes less of a worry.  Not freedom from family or friends, for we understand the proper way to deal with them.  Not freedom from our responsibilities to our community, for we understand it is a duty to fulfill.  What we achieve is freedom from problems, stress, and external influences.

Mr. Michael Jackson has a cut on his HISTORY CD, the chorus of which says "They thought they had me, they thought they could control me".  If you are aware of the circumstances that led to the horrible accusations against our Brother, you know he was poised to give money to South Africa, to help them get on their feet without having to go to those who gain profit from situations of this type.  While the accusations slowed Brother down, he is a man who refuses to relinquish his freedom.  It must greatly disturb those who masterminded the lie to know he will make money from his comments on it.

While we may not have the financial freedom to be in the same position as Brother M. J., we all have freedom.  We have the freedom to decide what type of person we will be, and stick to it.  We have the freedom to decide how we honor our ancestors.  We have the freedom to gain knowledge of ourselves.  We have the  freedom to decide whether this so called world works for us, and if it doesn't remove ourselves from it.  It will not be an easy task.  Some will not understand our metamorphosis, and some will question or make light of it.  Some will covertly or openly oppose it, but if happiness is our goal, we have no choice.

With personal freedom comes the ultimate happiness.  Nothing can bring happiness more so than knowing you have the freedom to be what you were meant to be, and the integrity to stand by your convictions.  As demonstrated in the leading graphic, with happiness, comes joy. With joy comes peace, with peace, comes fulfillment, and with fulfillment comes freedom.  Make no mistake about it, it is a constant 360° evolution.  Just when we think it is over, we begin again.  In order to achieve happiness, joy, peace, fulfillment and freedom, we must endure the exercises of self knowledge, honesty, respect, love, and value.  Without the work, there is no payoff.  Be true to yourself, for without truth, nothing matters.

7/11/1995